Yes, ive made tons of mistakes with you.
Iam still here though.

i still cant bear to read those words again.

you cant imagine how alone i feel at times.
and after watching HUGO, iam starting to wonder what is my purpose in life.

and on the topic of being alone, my relationship with my mom and sis have reached to a point of non-existant. others can say how your not close with your family too but let me tell you for them not being here, it really feels like they are my distant auntie and cousin.

if only its possible to make my own family.

you know how cliche "time heal all wounds" is and iam maybe starting to believe that.

iam not totally over you and i dont think i will ever be. what i can do is just try to do my own thing and take a day at a time and let you do the same.

be happy for you when you are.

chinese new year is coming.

i guess another yr without visiting chinatown.

and how can i forget how i sooo wanted to buy two big pots of those orange plants for your house. hahaha how silly. i still feel like buying your mom a hamper at least... i mean, after being so nice to me all these years. but i dont know if its gonna be weird for your mom. hmmm.

i seriously feel liek crying tonight to make me feel better.

over things i know i cant change.. over things that i wish i have... over things that are hard to change now.

ppl tell me not to and they say iam crazy.

i think iam crazy to still think the way i do.

i know i should snap out of it.

cause its just me right now and not you.

seriously new year? so what.. iam still thinking abt the same things. and i woke up with a disappointment.