...

School is wearing me down.
Frens are bringing me down.
Family is pinning me down.

iam tired... so tired.
i feel like iam nearly filled to the brim with bullshit.
i just want to lay myself down and just stay there.

where do i go from here?
when i dont even know where i came from.

iam tired.. so tired.
constant thoughts... an endless list.
................... . . .

herms.

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first of all i am supposed to be typing my essay which i dont have a clue what to write about!.. argh!..secondly my sis just told me she would be extending her trip by 8-9 days cause she needs to go Jordan as well.. iam like wth!!!. haiya.. i want her back now! hahaha.

*its been a fantastic day though..simple and sweet*

well essay gonna be due on tuesday.. fashion and interior on friday.. still i got other projects coming so i cant delay... so packed!
yesterday i had quite a'unique'nights out... some birthday girl at some pub/bar?
'interesting' bunch of people. not the usual crowd i would mix with is all i can say.

*not too happy but sometimes emotions take over and i end up caring more*

adults are overseas.. the house is mine. well for today at least.. i hope they come home tomorrow.. :p iam enjoying every moment.

*falling deeper each time*

cant stop thinking...

herms.

...

well my entries have been abit wordy so i couldnt resist putting up pics of my works... i wanted to revamp my blog but i dont knwo how to! :s.. ive seen so many nice artsy fartsy ones and i love them!.. to bad i dont know how to do it...
anyhoo.. things been abit rough these few days.. alot of drama.. but i guess its getting better. at least i know where i can go to be happy. i STILL got school work.. grrr!!! havent finish my bloody fashion..
well went to the asian civilisation museum that day... very nice.. u peeps should go and just have a look-see-look-see. great stuff! but that didnt stop me from running off half way.
i need to go back to my sec. school to get back my art stuff... even though i hate goign back.
i just need to build up my portfolio. gosh i hope i get to whereever i want to major in...competition is tough! abit scared too..
oh yes almost forgot... the mother of the girl who i taught last yr called me asking me to teach her slow daugher(ok maybe she didnt say slow..) 2 times a week.. iam charging 20 bucks for 2 hrs? 2 times a week. iam giving cheap service!... well its better than nothing. hope i get another kid so i could get nearly hundread bucks a week if i give more sessions.
i miss my sis... she agreed to get me a new phone for my bday.. i hope it would still happen even after she knows what i did.. gosh i hope she dosent go screaming at me(i wont tell u what i did though..)
well thats all for now...
herms.

poppish!

thats what my lecturer told me when she saw my self portrait.. i didnt liek the realistic effect everyone was goign for.. so i went crazy and had vines sprouting from my ears :p... this was when my hair was still short...


herms...

my wall paper designs...

well i had to do six wall paper last term but iam only showing 5.. tell me what u think. i call it my bunny series. :p i made each one slightly quirky..
a bunny in the dessert.. waiting to die.
this one had wings straped on and thinks of jumping.. i added the spikes!
a romantic one...

a science bunny... drinking poison!

two bunnies drowning.. i made them have the anchors tied to their necks.

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scared... dunno what to do.
i wish u would just die.. ive been wishing that for so long... when is it really gonna happen?
pls just go... dont come back!

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Its the holidays but ive got stuff to do.. stuff to settle. been keeping myself busy.
fashion, essays, interior.. group project sucks.
ive got the mood to eat... like i want to try everything.
iam tired...
tired with so many things...
iam surprised i cant think of anythign else to type abt when i thought i had tons when i i began typing.. oh well :s

herms.

4.48 Phychosis

sometimes i turn around and catch the smell of you and i cannot i cannot go on without expressing this terrible so fucking awfull physical aching fucking longing i have for you.And i cannot believe i can feel this for you and you feel nothing. Do you feel nothing?

Do you feel nothing?

And i go out at six in the morning and start my search for you.If i dreamt of a message of a street or a pub or a station,i go there and i wait for you.

You know, i ve never in my life had a problem giving another person what they want.But on one has been able to do that for me.No one touches me.No one gets near me.But now you touch me somewhere so fucking deep I cant believe i cant be that for you.Because I cant find you.

What does she look like?
And how will i know her when i see her?
She ll die,she ll die, she ll only fucking die.

Do you think its possible for a person to be born in the wrong body?

Do you think its possible for a person to be born in the wrong era?

-Sarah Cane 4.48 Phychosis

taken from Raf who actually did a play based on 4.48 Phychosis
regretted not going!.. grrr. great words huh.

...

interior project is due tomorrow... group project, i gave everyone somethign to do.. but i cant help feeling iam ending up doing most of the work...oh well just want to get this over and done with.
yesterday eleen gave me a lime green hp pouch she made herself. she made two..mine was neater. thanks eleen! gosh.. she stayed up till 12am to finish up. i swear its only the second time ive met her yet i feel so comfortable around her. shes naturally friendly.. i cant stop laughing with her. i gave her a red stuffed devil with a heart on its chest and i also gave her a card saying, 'have a naughty valentine's!" *wink wink*

was happy to see u... but i felt like u werent as excited... your not the only one who needs assurance from time to time.

so many things to do...cant wait till next week where i can take my pace more slowly...
my sis is in dubai.. miss her..eventhough i get to talk to her from time to time.. its diff. the house is so quiet. iam kinda lost with all the cheques she gave me to pay this and that.. iam not sure what to pay.. and when.. :s
she met up with Amitt... saw his pic.. he looks like a plump dracula!.. hahaha.. wonder what happened... he used to be a vj for channel V.. miss him too...his such a good big brother to me and my sis.

i am happy... ill do what it takes to make this work.

need to clean my room.. such a mess... argh!.. i cant stand it.. yesterday when i got home at 1 am, i grabbed all my clothes that were piling on my floor and bed and stuffed them in the washing machine...so proud of myself.. hehehe

secrets.. the joy i cant share no matter how much i want to.

Herms. "u"

blank

i feel blank. iam feeling empty...empty of emotions..thoughts. i think i am an empty vessel at the moment. iam walking.. breathing.. eating.. talking..interacting.. but i feel lost. i have been feeling like this for some time actually.
i feel liek theres something wrapping me.. making me unable to feel certain of myself.. i cant feel myself 100%.
friends are falling apart..i guess its work.. but its the only place and time we see each other.
iam insecure of what i want iam insecure even with myself.. where will i be in 10 yrs?

tonight U will return.
i re-read your message whenever no one was there to entertain me... it felt so good.

live a life of lies...tell the lies your going to have to live in..just to make this story of mine sound less pathetic...less diff..more accepting..but i guess its gonna burst out sooner or later.

never good at talkign about this rejected artwork... keeping most inside..keeping it fake.
herms.

AARRGGHH...

iam alone at home... theres no shows on tv.. theres nothing to eat..
iam bored!..bored.. where the hell has everyone gone too?!
no calls.. no sms..
its quiet... too quiet!..
herms. if only u were here for me to disturb. hiak hiak hiak.

temporary missing...

The phone woke me up this morning... heard the voice I was supposed to call...must have slept through my alarm. u kept talking while u were going around.. seeing things...being all soo excited. i was just on the other end of the line.. but i felt like i was there with u.
managed to see your face..for a last time.. before u left.. i guess that was good enough.. that will have to do until the next meeting.
your gone by now..hope you have fun!
well my sis told me a story she read from somewhere.. i was kinda grossed out by my own imagination..iam not sure how it exactly goes but ill try and tell it.
at 12pm everyday.. there would be this old lady pushing her grandchild or someone in the pram to meet this equally old man under some block?(not sure) and they would just....make out!! not just smooching ppl!..ohh..noo.. thats not enough.. i heard they were doing the whole thing!... i wonder what the kid was doing..haha.
anyhoo some ppl complained..obviously.. and when the reporter decided to interview them.. the lady didnt want to.. but the guy agreed. the reporter asked if he paid her.. he was like.. "i never pay!" wah.. uncle.. u sound confident(thats just me)
i heard they were liek 60?.. gosh. so much for being a conservative society.
well no harm in people just wanting some action. *wink wink*
well school yesterday was dead.. finally got the design ready for our building structure... i need to finish my fashion and get my portfolio ready soon.. thank god the weekend came early. i was so stress! for our interior i was the group leader and my team decided to use the giraffe as the animal for our reference. i pasted a picture of a giraffe humping on my research board..and showed it to my lecturer. hope that ass likes it :p hahaha! take that!



i sneaked out of fashion class yesterday and lucky me.. i met raf and rose.. drama ppl are so hilarious.. i bet if i was in their class, ill just laugh till i turn blue. maybe ill update more later when iam bored...thats abt it for now.
oh.. Happy Bday Auggi!

Herms. all about u.

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skipped school today! i woke up told my mom i was not going to school and my body was aching and that was that. she didnt persuade me further. it used to be diff in sec school, she would 'nag' at me to go.. even though in the end i usually got my way.
at home the whole day... did a few mins of my school work and i went to bed.. woke up, did abit more and went to bed again. i couldnt sit in my chair at all.. felt so.. erm.. numb?
i found out eugene and corrine didnt go to school either.. i also found out that the second half of the day's lesson was cancelled.
iam sick but i didnt go to the docs.. so i dont know what excuse iam supposed to give them.. oh well who cares. this sickness is gonna fade sooner or later.
i cant remember the last time i went to the docs either... hahaha.. i dunno maybe they arent my thing.
oh by the way.. i look awful.. i look like a homeless guy.. i smell like an old man due to the heating rub i applied.. hahaha.
ive got some major reno works to do on myself b4 i go school tomorrow .. cant imagine myself going the way i am now.. gosh.
if it was up to me.. ill skip this whole week... iam not in the mood for shit.. really.
herms.