...

i tried blogging the whole day on my phone but i couldnt. something wrong with my phone i guess.

now i can but i dont feel liek it.
i feel like iam in limbo. i dont know.
i should sleep but i cant. i dont want to eventhough iam tired.
why why why.
why cant i think of plan b?
forget it.

mid week already!

its just nothing i just need to let this out.
the feeling is coming back.
i hate this. i feel scared. something bad is gonna happen.
i feel like iam high at the point of passing out.
i need to sleep. i cant take tonight.

...

iam just gonna put all my thoughts in writing.

the last post was some blur memory. i was half asleep and half dazed. i think i was blogging with one eye ( even that one was semi closed) on my BB.

i want to be able to talk to you anytime i want.
to go grocery shopping buying wine and cheese and chips and detergent.
to go book sales and random places finding things for a buck.
to try different foods and always end up making me look like the fat one.
to be cooking and talking.
to be spying on you when u dont know.
to try and figure out what thinking in the head and what your gonna do.
to anticipate the next thing your gonna introduce that ill like, next to sesame oil and steamed egg.
to be just so damned well at sorting mt thoughts for me.
all too funny.

ok ciao! wanna eat durian! start running.

I feel like cryying and I want my b and I want my b back!