and i wanna see you.

i dunno what im doing to myself.

do u believe in fate?
i secretly gonna spill what i want for my bday at this private space of mine.
i want to turn back the clock... but have all my memories of the future.

so i wont repeat what i did and to be able to love u unconditionally.

thats all i want.

but i know i cant have that.

iam going to find the shop u bought the small cake from and spend time at home like all the years ive done. just that this time u wont be here.

its been ages since ive seen anything new,

yet ive been checking it everyday just to hear something from you.

i dreamt of you yesterday.
i could almost smell your scent.
it dosent help when i know i shouldnt.

your beautiful hands is what im thinking abt this valentine's day.

i wonder how your doing. u seem good. thats good.

hmmm... its so hard to explain to family members that i am not with u anymore.

im getting sick of lying to them espicially nenek, busu and mama. i keep saying your in camp and your busy.

sigh.

i wonder if youve moved on...hmmm.

first time in a long time since i didnt go to china town this cny season.
i just didnt want to think abt it.
i use to go every year. sampling stuff here and there. have our dinner and head home tgt.
i miss those times.

well lets just say im glad cny will be over soon.

i didnt even get a chance to get the orange trees as promised now that i can actually buy a pair.

oh wells.

i saw you.
its hard.
it still is.