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ok.. i have the right mind to just give up now.. put my head on the table and be dead. iam feeling negative and iam surrounded by to much negative energy... sometimes hoping that the source of light would shine but seems like it issint happening
i would do anything to please..
starting to wonder is it would work the same way.
gosh what am i even mumbling abt anymore...

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am i no being myself..? maybe.. but maybe its just not that clear to me.
i miss i miss i miss
its sad to think about how different it feels now.
i feel like iam detached from u.. i want it back..
now that its happening seems liek everything is going wrong.
pls pls pls..

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ive got quite a number of things in my head at the moment.
so many things to settle.. so many things to get done.
i miss the smell.. i want to be able to smell and remember
busy i suppose.. ive made time.. fit me in the schedule.. pls?
maybe its because of this ive taken time from another.
what do i want at the end? i want the one iam used to now. but its kinda hard to get these days.
ive lost weight.. possibly the weight of a bag of rice.
i didnt mean to really work to loose it. that amount kinda slipped off before i realised it. maybe i secretly wish it would.. and it did. maybe more will drop off.. who knows. at least it wont give people the chance to say that iam F**
maybe i can get more attention possibly soemthing more if iam thinner for someone..
maybe i didnt realise it but maybe i did it for a deeper reason... iam not sure but i really didnt realise i lost that much... oh wells.. no harm done. :)
all i want to do these days is sleep. i dont want to be awake.. iam so dissapointed when i have to wake up.
i miss the lime green so badly.. haiz.

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yup.. i feel iam dissapearing...
maybe cause iam loosing contact with the people around me.
its so frustrating..
aiyah wahtever lah ah.. why should i bother when nothing is goign to change..
it just dissapoints me even more
wait.. maybe iam just thinkign to fast.
hmm.. ok forget it

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omg i dont know... i dont know ..
iam forced to continue this absense.
has it become a one way road?
i know its not totally true.
how can it be when i still believe in it so.
maybe iam just afraid of the outcome of it
cause i already know what would happen if it was to be allowed.
how can i bear to loose soemthing so dear.
yet there is no response to dear when i say it so.
i am in desperate need to hold the hand
this terrible bad feeling is bringing me to tears
the reasons for these though are just not reasons enough.

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upset.. genuinely tryign to cheer up went wrong i guess.
iam not going to speak but hope everything is ok.
nvm... ill think of other stuff to settle my thoughts for now.

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i woke up this morning and i cant help missing u so badly.
ive been pushed into the background of your life.
i tried making an effort but most of the time its just me.
you seem to be happy having your own life.. without me.
iam just letting it be now.. its better than getting dissapointed like most of the time.
its tiring to make it as it were.
iam hoping ull be like how i once knew u.. having to feel like iam the only one issint a nice thing.
its...nvm.