damn ba damn damn damn...

another thursday but friday will be here before i know it and my damn sphere will be due for submission...damn. thank god i dont have school today. i need rest and time to finish up 'some' of my work. i havent been blogging much have i?.. havent been replying to my penpals either.. and its making me feel so guilty!..poor Lena is waiting for my letter all the way in Germany.. dont get me wrong i do want to reply her..i even wrote my letter already. its just that iam to lazy to do the whole thing and if i reply, she will reply and it will start all over.. -___-
well anyway yesterday wasnt so bad ..i guess. school was normal... critical studies was boring. there was a group presentation. the whole group was from indo.. only one of the girls could speak understandable english..hahaha. when corrine asked her a question, 'do u like impressionist artist? and why?' she replied, ' i dont like them cause i like pinish paintings' (thats what i heard)...hahaha! eugene was sitting beside me so he whispered to me, 'she likes penis paintings'.. wahahaha!...that cracked me up... i kept thinking and giggling about it all the way to lunch. eugene fell asleep in class and woke up with such a pissed off face about how fucking boring the group was..i couldnt blame him.. i was falling asleep too. corrine dozed off too...the weirdest thing is.. both of them woke up with a jerk...u know those u get when u dreamt about falling off a cliff or something..hahaha. they jerked so hard it was like they got stabbed in the waist!..hahaha.
ohohoh! i almost forgot to mention. Saran came back to school...luckily no one gave each other the look. but tension was kinda high. i had to explain to her everything thats been going on and the work she got to do. she got an extra week to go her scrapbook...damn! its like now she dosent hang around with us...she goes with Gemma and ikah(yup those girls who we called bitches long ago)...i dont think they are though..i guess?
after school as usual for these past few weeks, we went to town and hung around actually to go art friend and get our materials. didnt stay long though cause 'some' of us had to do our work. hazel hazel and lucy(mr X's half brother) came too. the girls(corrine and hazel) left first.. gave them the hollywood kiss and then only the guys were left.. gosh i swear what we talked abt was the weirdest thing ever... when the thing was over, i had words like 'cheap'..'walking herpes'..'condoms' running all over my head! u know what i mean.. secrets came out..gosh.
the truth is... the feeling in our group has changed so much!...why cant things be like the way before? it used to be just..Amanda, Corrine, Eugene, Saran and me for lunch everyday. now its Corrine+ Mr X(but corrine says to me that she wanted eden now she dosent want both..so the '+' dosent really count cause it only works one way), Eugene+ Hazel(Hazel and Eugene are confused.. E still like ex gf... H dosent want her feelings for E to grow cause if they break it will be so weird for them to be in the group), Jesus, Sean( but she hasnt been comign to school..argh another problem..i miss her..shes like my nanny..hahaha) and me. its like all of them are so into themselves and i feel left out?! i dunno it feels different. and there are extra people who want to be in the group like.. Tufeer and jerry. they are nice but are kind of different from what we are.
i still ike hanging wround with them but its not the same..damn
actually i got tons of other things i want to say.. but i guess this entry is long enough as it is.. so..Cherrio

i went to heaven and hell in a day...

my head is kinda clear today surprisingly...was kinda afraid to eat anything after what happened yesterday..so just spent the whole day at my cuz's place.
well tuesday after school, me and my frens decided to hang out around town since school is no near and we didnt want to go home so early.. ended up at starbucks at wheelock place. marcus came as well.. kinda happy to see him eventhough i felt bad that i didnt take the bus home with him when he asked me to. well thats when they decided to go to eugens place the next day to drink.. i should have known better.
i was supposed to have school yesterday but since my lecturer went to Indonesia, morning lessons was cancelled and i saw no point in going for the 1hr afternoon session, and to make things worse it was critical studies...all those boring art history..so i made up my mind and head off to eugene's place instead. went off per normal left the house with my mom.. she thinking that i was heading for school and there i was having my mind set on something else. i was supposed to meet my miss hazel at the bus stop outside P.S. at 9a.m. as promised.. but when i called her, she was still at home.. grr! so i headed off to eugens place myself.. found out sean slept over at his place.. at least i know she wont be late for once. hazel came much later... thats when eugene made us teh drinks.. i took quite aot.. didnt feel the highness at all so i took more. hazel was already gone to her wonderland. for me the feeling came very suddenly.. before i knew it, i was dancing with her in the room to the music.. sheesh. happy happy huh.. jesus came later too.. i rememebered drinking more when jesus offered me when i was already drunk.. i shouldnt have.. that drink must be damn strong since it was meant for him.. and he is the crazee sort.
i remembered seeing hazel with her shirt off.. and sean trying to pull it back on her. i remembered hazel slapping me at the stairs when they were smoking.. and me returning her the slap. i remembered being carried by jesus back into the house and going nuts all over again. hazel pukes all over the the floor infront of the toilet.. i guess it must have hit eugene too cause i remembered seeing him with his shirt off. i puked later.. and it didnt stop..damn the hell was starting to take over me. i sat and literally dozed off in teh toilet.. hugging the toilet bowl. i couldnt put my head back cause i would have slipped and fall back onto the floor so i put my head to the front.. i know it sounds gross but let me tell u it wouldnt matter if your so fuckign drunk. when i came out.. i sat in teh living room.. with a big red bucket beside me. eugne was beign a good friend.. he was teh one who cleaned me up and threw my vomit.. at this moment on.. i think i readlly do owe him. he even made tea and carried it to my lips... i still cant belive i made him call my sis to bring me home. he packed my stuff and waited for my sis to reach under his block. steven was tehre to. when my sis helped me to the cab, steven raised his voice at eugene askign him if we were having some party.. i got kinda pissed to i shouted from the door to ask eugene to go home. eugene if u are reading this..iam so sorry for the mess i dragged u into... haiz. in the cab.. steven was talkign as if he was someone inportant.. i really did feel liek slapping him!.. ahh..
i got home.. sadly my mom was at home to.. i put my bag down .. and headed straight to the loo.. i puked two more mouthfuls.. thats when i panicked.. i was puking and i felt liek my dick was gonna explode... so weirdly enough i stood up with vomit dripping from my mouth into the toilet bowl while i peeded.. gross huh. oh well.. then without looking at my mom's face i went straight to my room. i didnt dare ipen the room and let her see me liek this when she knocked and forced me to open the door. i felt so guilty. i guess i needed this to really slap me int he face.. to make me realise that what iam doing is so wrong... just thankfully today my head issint has bad. oh well.. thats it. till next time

i think iam going bad...

well today started out fine... actually iam kinda happy today. went to my grandmom's and like celebrated 2 birthdays( my little cousins)... the normal ppl came, the normal same questions being asked( hows school.. blah blah blah.. not as if they really care right?) well i literally just ate during the whole of today... had noodles, cake, rice, ice cream, and tons of finger food!!... feel so guilty that i feel like sticking my finger down my throat..sheesh.
well forget abt yesterday.. ill move on to the more exciting stuff. well on friday, i didnt have school cause my lecturer was on reservice or something.. but i still went to met up with hazel and eugene. gosh if only i knew what i was putting myself up to. we like met up with *jesus* and corrine later on at ceni. i even met ronnie( my primary school mate) no surprise he turend out to be some ahbeng. i didnt know wht but i scolded himasshole when he took to long to remember who i was...hahaha..opps. well we then played pool for like some time. i was liek bored by then.. i didnt really played cause first of all the music was so sucky(some cina crap) and when i looked around.. everyone was like chinese? the tabel next to us were a group of japanese guys so at least i had something to stare at... their faces were so made up... with over plucked eyebrows and stuff.. i was actually more interested in the way they talked...hahah dunno why.
finally when i thought the world was just about to end, they decided to head to chijmes. thank god... well the invites were not really needed cause people just went in... we had liek free flow of jack daniels... corrine, eugene and jess were kinda only there to get drunk.. i was there to mingle. met a few new mates... sean's frens mostly.. very cool people but not exactly your huggable type. saw jamie, glenn and daniel... we were heading for the toilet, they thought we were going to ask for autographs or something..i guess cause of the way they like looked and waited for us to come to them.. hahaha..i dont give a shit. the live band was good though.. really enjoyed the music. after that then we headed to cheeky monkeys( a sleezy club i was told) well i didnt get in at first .. the fake ic didnt work either.. hahaha so i sneaked in!.... cant belive i made it!.. i didnt even had to pay cover charge!.. thank god the bouncer didnt see me or else i would have been pulped by his gorrilla sized hands..haha. the door bitch is such an ass.. felt like spitting at her damn face...grrrr. well the night was ok i guess.. i was dancing till like 2 am? corrine and hazel are such dancers! even though they were abit on the raunchy side... corrine was like grinding on most of the guys.. and it was so hard to talk to ppl cause the music was so loud so u had to really get close to their face and since everyone is moving.. u end up like kissing everyone.hahaha.
well there was this girl who was dancing at the pole.. she was so good!.. i kept looking at her and so the purposely bend her body so i was touching her belly button with my nose! god!
well something happened to me and i had to call eugene.. he had to liek hold my hand and bring me out... i dunno where i would be without him. jess can be nuts at times but he will willingly help u.. thanks guys. i had to send sean home.. i was kinda unsatisfied cause i didnt get to drink as much and had to sit down when the thins song which i so wanted to groove to came on...haiz.
so took a cab to send her off.. sean was mumbling abt her girlfriend and what a bitch she was and stuff.. i just said okok.. and told her to rest. she puked under her block b4 i had to drang her home.. god. then after that took a cab home myself.. i cant belive how stinky i was! i think it was because of all the smoke and stuff... but the touching touching in that club is unbelivable.. its like no one came out unraped or something... hahaha.